Blegging for it

First day of new job. Panic! What to wear? Must buy outfit. Off to shopping centre. Go! Where to? Ahh – the green lights. It must be M&S. Run in. Clothes section. Stop.

And there it was. The sign: TREGGINGS. Like it was just a normal word you’d put on a sign. Treggings. Seeing this to advertise formal attire was, in my opinion, ridiculous. In my haste I thought I’d misread it. But no.

Is Treggings in the dictionary? Who knows? Who cares! OK, a quick Google shows Wikipedia cares – but then again it cares about Butlins. Anyway on a more ‘serious’ note, Oxford Dictionaries online defines them as:

‘Women’s leggings that are designed to resemble a pair of trousers’.

Oh – so leggings, then? Not quite. The overall web consensus is they’re basically leggings, but a bit thicker. A stretchy trouser, if you will? No – not that either, as Wiki’s sorrowful anecdote dictates:

There has been some controversy about whether they can be considered trousers. A British school decided to send 60 students showing up in treggings home on the reason that the clothing was too tight to be worn as trousers.

I mean, setting the place on fire’s one thing. Who can blame the kids for their fashion faux-pas if it’s all so bloody confusing? The head teacher never had treggings in his day, evidently (what a loser!).

Treggings - 12 points in Scrabble, no points in sense

It seems I’m behind the times. Apparently, Treggings first appeared circa late 2007. Casual treggings, anyway. Primark treggings. I’d fully expect Primark to have a sign in flashing lights with ‘Treggings’ written on it, possibly a different colour for every letter, causing tweenagers to go delirious with lust.

But now with M&S jumping on the bandwagon, while to advertise ‘smart’ treggings, it just looks plain wrong. A portmanteau of leggings and trousers, I guess the temptation to combine the two words was all too great. But this is M&S, for god’s sake. Can you really imagine that woman breathing, ‘These aren’t just treggings…’ See! Ridiculous.

They may as well come up with ‘Blumper’ and scrawl that on a sign. Oh, you don’t know what a Blumper is? It’s like, a cross between a blouse and a jumper – stay with me on this! It’s gonna be massive!

I personally can’t wait for the upcoming shirt and tights combination. This isn’t just a sign, M&S – this is a swear sign.

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